Day by day

What is time exactly?

Depending on who you are, where your from, what you do and how you do it time is diffrent for us all. Some people will constantly run around saying they just don't have enough time in the day to do everything, and then others will be bored by lunch time.

I, i'm sorry to say, used to live in the first instance. Constantly running from here to there like a headless chicken not knowing how I was going to fit everything in, wondering how I would finish my work and every other persons work as well, but I suppose at the time you do what you have to do to make ends meet.

Now i'm sort of in between, I still don't have enough time in the day but if time runs out then oh well there's always tomorrow...

I spent too much of the last few years working for other people, feeling like i'm shovelling sh*t constantly just to get through the day, and then just getting grief because that one thing you DIDN'T do wasn't good enough (how dare you only do 15 hours work in a 10 hour shift, i demand more).

This is far from a dig at employers, more a dig at my subconscious self for allowing that to happen. I have spent petty much the whole of Reuben's 4 and a half years, Tallulah's 21months and the entire 6 years I have known Finnley and Alfie working solidly, and then when i'm not working shouting at them because I was tired and didn't want to be bothered.

What kind of poor excuse of a dad was I?

Now I am by no means fully reformed and an amazing role model that my kids will be proud of, but I can see the massive mistakes that I have made in the past and just hope that in changing what I have been in the past, to what I hope to be in the future I can make some sort of recompense and give them the father that they deserve.

Also not forgetting Hayden and Adam, I may not see them anymore, but I still think about them and hope that they are well and happy, again one day in the future I hope that they again want to be a part of my family here because we all miss them.

Anyway onwards and upwards i'm all ready to start my new job with the NHS, looking forward to gettin married in July and then a 4 day holiday break with my family, our first as Mr and Mrs.

Cannot wait.